Soul of my Soul
by Fallen Immortal Warrior Angel
Summary: Janeway's step are haunted by a man intent on making her life hell. Tom Paris must help her put the peices of the puzzle together before time runs out. Rated M because it deals with Rape. Don't read if you're sensitive. Review anonymously if you have to.
1. Betrayal

Soul of my Soul

Prologue

This is a story of betrayal and pain. My story. The story of how a friend became an enemy and how many things were lost. This is the story of how I died. It is too painful and personal to tell in first person so I'll tell it in third.

Betrayal

Kathryn Janeway was sitting in her quarters on night after an ordinary day in the Delta Quadrant. She'd had a fight with three Borg cubes and Voyager had limped away on one nacelle bleeding plasma from the other. She had ordered that they'd hide in a nebula whilst making repairs until Voyager was fit to fight again.

That was the day hell began for her. She got up and began to get ready for bed. Then she heard a movement behind her. Kathryn turned. There was a masked man standing behind her. He pinned her to the wall. She tried to scream but his hand was over her mouth. "Don't bother sweetheart. The doors are locked and the room's been sound-proofed." He ripped the rest of her uniform off and disposed of his clothing. She struggled and screamed. "Don't bother your knight in shining can't save you this time."

I hardly need to tell you what he did to me you can guess.

"If tell anyone, _darling_ Kathryn, you'll die" he said as he flung her from him onto her bed. She lay there bleeding from where he'd forced his way into her body. He left the room and his footsteps died away. Kathryn Janeway pulled the covers over herself and sobbed herself to sleep.

The masked attacker kept it up for three months. By that time Kathryn was living in constant fear and was getting paranoid. She kept looking over her shoulder even when she sure no no-one was about.

One night Kathryn had the weirdest dream she'd had in a long time. A lucid dream. She wandered aimlessly about the ship stopping in the observation lounge for a moment. The doors hissed open behind her. Tom entered. "Evening Captain." Kathryn responded unconsciously. "Please call me Kathryn when we're off duty." It was automatic. She'd had to tell him a number of times. "Kathryn then. What's wrong?" She turned, surprised fear showing in her eyes. Tom couldn't help but notice. "I can't tell you if I do I'll be killed. Though considering death would be almost a welcome alternative." Tom looked shocked. He went to touch her shoulder but she flinched away. Then they both woke up.

The next day Kathryn was walking down the corridor when Tom Paris brushed past her deliberately. As he did so he pressed something into her hand. "Meet you in your dreams." With that cryptic remark he walked on past her pretending not to have done anything. She looked down the device was an altered neuro-transmitter. She attached it to her neck behind her hair but didn't activate it. No-one else saw a thing.

It was a relatively normal day. Nothing untoward happened. She turned in early as did Tom. Once in bed she locked the doors with a combination code made up of Borg and Federation encryptions and an algorithm that took eternity to solve as it was constantly changing. She'd also erected two level fifteen security fields from wall to wall. No-one was forcing entry to her quarters tonight. Anyone who tried to beam in would be warned then beamed into space if they didn't give up trying. She knew she was being paranoid but she had every reason to be. After making sure the security arrangements were in place she activated the neuro-transmitter.

She was instantly transported to the surface of a planet. She was in Indianna her home. She instantly relaxed looking around she was a valley she recognized. She had camped there as a girl every summer for a week with her friends it was fifty five kilometres away from her home. Her parents had let her go further a field as she'd got older. She sat down with her back propped against a tree and closed her eyes this dream felt so real. It was good to be home even if it was simulated. Tom appeared next to her both sat there in silence for a minute. Then Tom asked her what was up and she told him. She was hesitant at first but eventually it all just came out the words tumbling from her mouth as they tried to get out. Tom was shocked at what her mystery attacker had put her through. Kathryn couldn't help it she began to cry as she finished the iron grip she'd kept on her emotions broken as she'd told her story. Tom put his arms around her and pulled her close. Letting her cry on his shoulder.

"We'll nail him whoever he is." Tom swore. "See you on the bridge." Kathryn didn't want to leave but reminded herself that this was a dream and she was perfectly safe in her quarters. Then the transmitter de-activated itself and she woke up with damp cheeks and a wet patch on her pillow.

She turned her pillow over and fell asleep. They would nail him.


	2. Hunter and Hunted

Soul of my Soul

Hunter and Hunted

Kathryn Janeway was sitting on the edge of her bed when she heard the doors hiss open. She listened as his footsteps stopped just before he entered her bed room. She had set her trap. As soon as he came within five metres the holo-imager would activate. She already had the voice recorder running and had already managed to scan the voice-distorter he wore to get its frequency. Once she had all the data Tom and Seven would help her search in Astrometrics.

He walked into her room. The holo-imager flashed once but he didn't notice. She stiffened. "Hello princess." Kathryn shuddered. He sat down beside her and she flinched as he brushed a strand of errant hair back behind her ear. She didn't move though knowing if she did he'd probably kill her. He always carried a knife. He ran a hand down her shoulder and onto her chest. Kathryn looked away. He moved his hand lower and the door chime rang. He started. "Well then answer it." She got up and practically ran. She sat down in her living room as she heard the whine of a transporter beam. "Come in." Kes (after finding the Ocampa were scared of her she came back to Voyager permanently) came in with Tom.

"We thought you might be a little lonely here by yourself. A group of us are going late night ice-skating. Care to join us?" She smiled. "I think I will. Thank you." She got up and went back into her room pulling out the draw under her bed. She grabbed her skates and a coat. She went back into her living room. Kes was standing by the door and she looked disturbed and far away. "Kes, are you alright?" Kes turned around. "Something terrible has happened to you in this room hasn't it?" Kathryn didn't know what to say. Tom came to her rescue. "Yeah something has. Don't worry Kes whatever it was is over." Kes didn't look to sure but didn't say anything and put it out of her mind for the time being.

Half of the crew were on the rink when she got there. They sat down and put their skates on. Kes had never skated before so they helped her onto the ice and showed her how to. She fell over a few times but didn't let that that discourage her. Tom looked over to where Harry and Seven were skating. Seven was beginning to wish she'd stayed in Cargo-bay two. She slipped yet again and Harry steadied her. "This is a pointless endeavour. I would be better able to _enjoy _myself in Astrometrics." Harry smiled. "Come on Seven. You've only been her for half an hour. Don't give up yet. Once you've got the knack of it you'll enjoy yourself." Seven arched an eyebrow. "Getting the knack of it as you put it is harder than I anticipated." Harry grinned. He took hold of her arm and they started again.

Kathryn enjoyed herself racing Tom and teaching Kes how to skate backwards for a bit. Kes managed it by the end of the session. Then they came off the ice while the next half of the crew went on. She went back to her quarters and locked the doors before falling asleep fairly easily.

Kathryn was in the mess hall having just finished her lunch when she got a call from Seven. "Captain Janeway, Please report to Astrometrics immediately." She got up put her empty plate on the counter and headed for Astrometrics. When she got there she found Tom and Seven already there. "Computer turn off all sensors in this room and seal the doors." Seven looked at her surprised. "Captain?" She asked quizzically. "we're here to a man hunt Seven." Seven looked at her surprised. "Someone attacked me in my quarters and I'm trying to find out who it was. However I can't have him walking in on us." Seven nodded. It made sense. "I trust that you are undamaged?" Kathryn almost smiled at that. "I'm fine." She replied. "Fibber." Tom mouthed at her. She shot him a glare. "Computer open holo-image twenty four alpha, authorisation Janeway Beta six." The file came up on the screen. The man in the image had black hair and white skin.

Seven looked at the image closely but couldn't work out who it was. "Computer, display all crewmembers with black hair." Kathryn said. Twenty seven files came up. "Eliminate all those who don't have white skin." The list was cut down to fifteen files. Tom looked more closely at the image. "Computer eliminate all those without brown eyes." He commanded. That left them with three files. Commander Chakotay, Crewman Travis and Ensign Tyler.

Kathryn entered the frequency of the voice distorter. "Seven run a voice clip for each person with the distortion frequency I entered." Seven did so. "Eliminate Ensign Tyler." Next she ran a voice clip of Chakotay. Kathryn went white. It couldn't be. Not Chakotay. Why would he do that to her. "Thank you Seven. I know who it is." She said eventually. Seven removed all the data from the search. Kathryn turned and walked to the doors. "Computer deactivate security measures." The sensors in the room were re-activated and the doors hissed open. She hadn't walked two more steps before she fainted. Tom saw her collapse. "Medical emergency two to beam directly to sickbay." The doctor hurried out of his office as he heard the transpoter beam and they materialised. Tom picked her up and laid her on a bio-bed.

Kes came over. "What happened Tom?" Tom looked up. "She fainted coming out of astrometrics. She's had rather a shock. I have something I have to do." With that he left. "Paris to Commander Tuvok, can you gather a security team and meet me outside the holo-deck on deck six there's someone we need to pay a call on." Tuvok raised his eyebrows but left Harry in command of the bridge and gathered his team. "What is it Lieutenant Paris." Tom explained the barest minimum that he had to. He looked at Tuvok as he finished and swore if Vulcans ever got angry Tuvok was now. They went to Commander Chakotay's quarters and Tuvok hit the door chime.

Chakotay came to the door and found himself looking at the business ends of five phasers. "What's this about Tuvok?" Tuvok answered. "Commander Chakotay you are under arrest for the assault and rape of Captain Kathryn Janeway."


	3. Discoveries Part One

Soul of my Soul

Discoveries

"Captain, can you hear me? Open your eyes." The voice penetrated Kathryn Janeway's dulled mind. She tried to move and found she couldn't. As if her limbs were pinioned. She heard the sharp hiss of a hypo-spray and was able to open her eyes. Everything looked cloudy at first then it came into sharp focus. The Doctor was standing over her looking concerned. She sat up and felt a wave of nausea and dizziness. "Easy." She looked to her left as Tom put a hand on her shoulder.

"The trial's in an hour. By Law the court need you, the Chief Medical Officer, Chakotay and Tuvok plus three other officers to be there." Kathryn winced inwardly. _How many more people needed to know what had happened to her? The_ entire _Federation perhaps_. She sighed. "Alright Tom." She looked at him and saw sympathy in his eyes. He knew what was going through her mind. He was saddened as he saw shame there as well and knew she blamed herself for what had happened. "I'll be there for you." Kathryn looked at him with gratitude. "So will Seven. We just need a third person." She swung her legs off the bio-bed and stood up. The Doctor gave her another hypo-spray to reduce the feeling of nausea and dizziness. "I'm escorting you straight back here afterwards. Then I have something serious we need to discuss." He said in a tone that brooked no argument. She nodded. "For the first and probably last time I'm not going to argue." Kathryn agreed with a wry smile.

"Who else do you think should be there?" She asked Tom as they walked to the mess hall." Tom looked surprised. "It's up to you. If I had to say though I'd choose B'lenna. Best to keep this between the senior crew for now." Kathryn simply gave a small shrug and he saw with a quick glance how tired she was. Not physical but she was completely run down emotionally. Then they were at the mess hall and the Captain's mask was firmly in place again. She noticed his sidelong glance but didn't care. She was so tired of being alone it didn't matter if she let people see the woman behind the mask from time to time. B'lenna was sitting with Harry in the corner attacking an engineering problem that was theoretically impossible. "B'lenna could I could I talk to you alone for a minute?" B'lenna looked up; she hadn't noticed them approach being so engrossed in the problem. "Sure, what's the problem?" She said as she put the padd down, flashed an apologetic smile at Harry and got up.

They stood in a corner as Kathryn explained that Chakotay was in the brig awaiting trial for assault and repeated rape. B'lenna's eyes widened with shock and she went pale. Kathryn explained that someone who knew both him and his victim was needed to attend along with two others. "Who?" was all B'lenna was able to choke out. Kathryn stared at the floor afraid to meet her shocked eyes. She mentally cursed her weakness. "Me." Her voice was the quietest of whispers but B'lenna heard. "The trial's in Astrometrics over the comm in forty-five minutes." When she dared to look up she saw B'lenna's horrified glance and looked aside blushing with shame. B'lenna squeezed her shoulder. "I'll be there. I'm so sorry." She turned to go back to Harry. "Can I talk to him?" Kathryn nodded. B'lenna turned to go. "Lieutenant." B'lenna looked round. "No unnecessary violence." B'lenna smiled grimly. No _unnecessary _violence then.

Chakotay looked up as the brig doors hissed open. B'lenna came in and said something to the Ensign who was guarding him. The Ensign handed her his Phaser and went out. B'lenna deactivated the force field making sure the phaser was trained on him. "Why Chakotay?" Chakotay was surprised. He'd expect name-calling, shouting and probably a physical attack from B'lenna Torres. Not the quiet questioning approach. "Because I love her. Because there was no way in Hell I'd be with her otherwise." B'lenna leant against the edge of his cell still pointing the Phaser at him. "Disturbing way to say you love someone." Chakotay could the sarcasm in every syllable. "What's the Captain ever done to you?" Chakotay shot her a look that said it should be obvious.

"She took away my command. I should be in control of this ship. I only gave in because I was planning to take it by force. The right moment never came however. You're Maquis B'lenna; you should understand that I could never be Starfleet again. I loved her and I hated her." B'lenna was openly disgusted. "She saved your life. She could have left you to die alone on our old ship. You're disgusting Chakotay. I'm Starfleet now. We all are. you've betrayed all of us not just the Captain. I'm ashamed to have ever served under you. Your principles were lies. You enjoyed violence just as much the Cardassians we killed. You make me sick." She turned away. Chakotay thought she was leaving when she put one hand on the force field controls. Then she stopped and looked at him for a second. He stared back. Without warning she struck at him as hard as she could with a cry of "Pittock." She heard a satisfying crack as her fist collided hard with his nose and he howled with pain blood streaming from this nostrils.

Then she reactivated the force field and went out handing the phaser back to the Ensign on duty.

-/\-

B'lenna was satisfied to see the new pink skin on Chakotay's nose when he came in with a security detail. She could also see that he was still in some physical discomfort. She smirked. Kathryn noticed to and shot a look at B'lenna. "Lieutenant, I thought I said no violence." She hissed. "You said no _unnecessary _violence. There wasn't any unnecessary violence." Kathryn sighed inwardly. Prisoner bashing was definitely going to go down well with the court she thought sarcastically. Still it wasn't all that noticeable really.

Then the Doctor and Tuvok arrived with Tom and Seven just behind them. Tuvok dismissed the security detail and Seven contacted the Tribunal. Tom squeezed Kathryn's arm briefly. She gave him a weak smile. Then the com link was activated. Everyone turned to face the screen. To Kathryn's utter mortification Tom's Father Owen Paris was there. He sent her a sympathetic look.

The trial began with Tuvok and the Doctor presenting the evidence. Kathryn became very interested in the picture behind Owen as the Doctor explained the physical injuries he had discovered. Tom shot her a sympathetic look that said it would be over soon. He B'lenna and Seven then gave their accounts. After that the jury asked Chakotay if he had anything to say against what had already been said. He didn't confirm or deny anything simply shaking his head. "The Judge spoke. "From the evidence we have heard and the prisoner's refusal to speak this jury finds Commander Chakotay guilty of the crimes he is accused of. The penalty for these crimes is Death by lethal injection. This trial is now over."

Tuvok led Chakotay back to the Brig as the com link was terminated. Seven and B'lenna went back to whatever they were doing before. Tom put his arm round Kathryn's shoulders and they headed to Sickbay along with the Doctor. She was stunned and hardly the noticed the walk back. At first she had only half accepted the fact that the masked man had been Chakotay. Now her first officer and assumed best friend was going to be executed for crimes committed against her.

Tom noticed her shiver as the truth struck home hard. He steered her through the doors of sickbay and gently helped her onto a bio-bed. He heard her sniff as he turned to go and saw her fighting back tears. He felt her hands they were cold. He went over to a storage box took out a blanket and put it round her. The Doctor came out of his office with Padd containing medical data. He stopped maybe this wasn't the best time to tell her he could see that his Captain was upset enough as it was. His news would only make things worse. He went over to the trolley beside the bed and picked up a hypo-spray programming in a sedative. "Captain I advise you get some rest in your quarters. The matter that we need to discuss can wait till you've recovered a bit more from the shock of today." She simply nodded. "This will help you sleep." She slid off the bed. "Thank you Doctor." Her voice was shaky and she knew it.

Tom took her back to her quarters. She undressed in the bathroom while he waited in the lounge. Then he helped to administer the hypo. She fell asleep instantly an uneasy expression on her face. Tom watched her for a few minutes as she shifted restlessly before getting comfortable. He noticed how pale and vulnerable she looked. Seeing that Tom swore that he'd help her through his. He owed her for giving him a second chance.


End file.
